a letter to myself.

dear 25 year old lauren,
hello, its you! how are you?
i'd like to give you some advice for the future and give you some insight about who you'd like to be. you're welcome you adorable creature you.

first and foremost these past 11 days have been very, very hard on you. you're husbands sister has lashed out in an argument between your husband and to make him angry said the meanest most awful things about you. they rocked you to the core and hurt your heart and soul. she said Jeremy lives in a "fantasy Lauren world" "someone with little or no work ethic, no skills to get a job and contribute to the household, and holds no responsibility when it comes to having children. in the real world, especially for someone who hasn't held a job the entire time you've been married, doesn't leave their children for a week because their too stressed to deal with them, maybe if she had thought about the consequences to having sex & being responsible, other precautions could have been taken."

at first this made me sad. why does she think i am a bad mother? are they not alive and well? happy and fed? tickled and bathed on a nightly basis? know primary songs from our church and give really great kisses and hugs. this is coming from a 40 year old who has said "she hates kids" and never wants any.

I'd like to tell you this Lauren. you are a great mother. keep doing what you are doing. you're doing great. sure you've made some silly mom mistakes, but everyone mom goes through that. and its okay.

 remember that one night when you had just given birth to scarlet, had a 12 month old and had an appendicitis and your husband was passed out from NyQuil and was not able to help you during that night of the worst pain you'd ever felt in your life? you could barley move your body, but you stayed up all night nursing your little girl, running downstairs to change your other babies diaper, and so forth for the other newborn. that night was pretty rough. bad mom?NAY!

remember when you went on bed rest 3 weeks after you were married (and pelvic rest no less, NO SEX! RUDE!)  up until a month before delivery? you did all that for your son so he could be alive today. don't forget how you were all alone in the hospital for days while your husband was in Georgia on business. you had just moved to Arizona and was new to a family you had just married into. you were so lonely and sad. but you got through it. good for you.

don't forget the times your husband traveled for 5 days a week while you lived in Utah and did it all on your own with no help at all. your brother Nathan would drive an hour to babysit your kids on the weekends when you really needed a date night. tell him thank you again for that.

Lauren, remember you are a great mom. you love them very much, and love your husband more than anything in this world. I'd like to tell you to never be that mean girl. please be kind to others. i know you are so sorry for all the fights you've ever been in with old friends. you are not that person. be kind to everyone. you've finally met someone who has been even more evil than you could have ever imagined. you thought you were tough until you met someone who could take it to a whole new level and you now know how it feels. don't be like this. always have the light of Christ, and be the best person you can be. know who you are, a daughter of god. and quite frankly, i think you're pretty cool.

stay strong. this too shall pass.