Friday, February 10, 2012


Jeremy and i were asked to speak this sunday in church.

the sunday we were asked we sat in the front row FRONT AND CENTER, NICE TO MEET YOU! bonus: we came in late. so as i walked from the very back of the chapel down that long, long, aisle to the VERY FRONT ROW i could feel everyones eyes burning on my christian louboutin six inch stilettos. Okay my shoes were from Marshalls but lets not get off topic here shall we? we are giving a talk in church for goodness sakes!

As we sat in the front row I tried to remain as incognito as I could. you know, lay down on the pew, putting my face in Jeremy's coat jacket, silencing my cell phone..what normal people do when they don't want the bishopric to notice you. oh side note: we came in late that sunday. oh but did i say that already?

Church is over. We're headed out the door. FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! after three very long hours in half nursery/half the hallway with crying kids/the opening prayer in sunday school before the nursery leaders dragged my sorry behind BACK INTO NURSERY. (i hate you guys by the way. jk i love you. jk i hate you. unless you're reading this then you're doing a great job not calming my kids down.)

okay wait, where was i? okay. walking out of church two girls stop me to chat. they talked to me so long that a member of the bishopric just so happened to grab jeremy by the neck tie and say in a cold deep smokers voice, "we'd like for you and your wife to speak this sunday". actually he had one of those machines you hold up to your throat when you lose your vocal cords, and I'm totally joking...

I finished up talking to the girls making pretend plans with them (in my head, because i hate making play dates with girls i hardly know, SO SUE ME!). My husband and the member of the bishopric are standing there and jeremy informs me "WE'RE SPEAKING THIS SUNDAY!!" to which i replied (this is a true story) "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" (and i threw my head back)(No seriously, i threw my head back. While this poor man was just standing there.) They both laughed and I did not. NO I DID NOT. I kept a straight face and said "Well didn't you tell him we'd be out of town?! Because we're going out of town remember?!" Again they both laughed. Again I said, "no seriously, i don't want to!" and then the laughs became just a half smile. Jeremy eventually walked away and it was just me and this evil man. So I said again, "no but really, thanks for ruining my Super Bowl sunday". To which he replied by looking down at his shoes and looking so uncomfortable he'd probably rock in the corner and cry if he wasn't in a public place. I giggled my feminine laugh and said "Oh I'm just kidding!!" and then he smiled and I walked away.

On the way to the car I told Jeremy "I told you we shouldn't have gone to church today!".

okay but on a more serious note. is it safe to say i have writers block? for a church talk. because i do. i can't even think of an introduction for ourselves. I'm at a total blank.

So far I have...
"Hi, im lauren but my friends call me law rhen, JK!!!!!!!!1 and we're the hoovers! like the vacuum!!! (and i'd whisper under my breath...)"at"...


  1. crack me up!!! I wish we could hang out more......... :(

  2. Ahahahaha, You've got yourself in a doosey for sure! Hope you can think of never lack for words on here!

  3. You will be terrific and I wish I could see you!