Journal.

I've turned mental.

well, not really. BUT MAYBE SO QUITE REALLY O'RLY AND YA'RLY?

but I'm thinking of baby number 3. THREE! then we will be out numbered! 3-2! a family of 5! that means an extra bedroom in the house, or gasp! a child sharing a room! (did a fairy just fall down and die somewhere? quick clap your hands!) and whoever the 3rd child is will share with scarlet or conrad, depending on the gender, and one of them could be thrilled or really upset. secretly i hope for another girl and boy. and then a bigger car. perhaps a mini van? can you imagine the horror of the dorkiest car ever invented? yet SO practical! now, don't get too excited. i know (hope) i won't get pregnant until they are both in school. kindergarten at least. etc etc etc. i like the idea of being a young mom also. many of my friends have pointed out that my kids will be out of the house when I'm 40 (and jeremy is 36 RIGHT now ya'll...yes I'm 12 years younger than him. i love to bring this up to him 900 times a day. the very least.) i'd love to have kids while I'm really young so I'm not grey haired and crippled like my old man husband. (he loves when i bring this up too.)

i love the idea of my children crawling up into my bed and us having heart to hearts. family nights, family bike rides, swimming in the pool, the girls helping me bake cookies, the boys outside digging in the mud etc etc etc... big families are where its at! the girls can go to dance class together, and be each others support in school. i really hope scarlet and conrad are close and loving to each other when older. if not mommy will ground them till they are 18!! but seriously nursing. words can't even explain the wonderfulness that is nursing! you and your baby all alone in the middle of the night, and all you hear are baby coos and the sound of your precious baby devouring your chest. and the tiny hand that rests on the top of your gigantic engorged breast?! WHAT COULD BE BETTER?! ice cream? HARDLY. sex? actually..maybe so....

OKAY but this house! this gorgeous house that consumes my EVERY waking thought! where is it?!

theres this hidden little street here in mesa filled with Victorian homes and the house on the very end of the street was for sale! it was white with a wrap around porch on the end of a cul-de-sac. the backyard had horse stables! but could you imagine?! complete with a pool and spa. i peeked in and the floors were wood, crown molding, and a dining room with red walls (MY VERY FAVORITE!). the door was glass and my heart was bursting in every direction! i made jeremy call the realtor immediately and it was JUST sold! oh woe is me! every now and again i make jeremy drive me by my dream home and its currently being fixed up by someone! we wonder if someone bought the house and is flipping it (even though its in perfect condition). hopefully someday it will be for sale again and it will be MINE! and i can look back at this post and say YES! IN YOUR FACE! (why am i being mean to myself?)

so what are your thoughts? is 3 really hard? or do i got it in the bag?

i'll stop by and take a picture of it hopefully tomorrow to show you all just what I'm talking about.


(when we locked the kids out the other night. yes, scarlets naked)