Friday, November 18, 2011

its a code war!

there are major pros and cons to a husband that travels. usually i think its a huge con after a 5 day work week of just me. usually i think its a pro after a 5 day work week. HERE ME OUT.
there is absolutely zero balance in anything. its either total extreme or polar opposite. sometimes he's been gone for 2 weeks at a time, and usually when that happens he comes home to find me with my hair sticking straight up, my hands contorted in a way like a 90yr old woman with carpel tunnel and I'm lying face down while stray cats groom my hair and body for me. this only happens 99.100% of the time though. see what i did there? did you think i was going to say 99.9%?

the pro to having a husband who travels is sometimes you get to sleep in! usually the first day, and heck, if he really loves you (he loves me) he'll let me go 2..and sometimes our mornings even start like this!....

6:50AM-the sound of our toddler waking up. he usually screams bloody murder in his way of saying "dear mother, riseth and shine, for i am awake and tis a day for hearkening and i pooped my pants". or SOMETIMES if you're really lucky he'll just whine at his door over and over to only be described as asking your alarm to set itself to the "nails on a chalkboard" setting and just telling it to surprise you at any given time of morning. but remember alarm clock, not after 7am because that would just be ludicrous! and your alarm goes, "dude! I'm not crazy! of course I'm going to go off multiple times a night full volume, but before 7am? you think I'm crazy?!" and i say "screw you alarm clock! you adorable thing you."
and then 99.100% of our conversations start like this. FIRST THING. (no, "good morning beautiful!" oh look, your here too jeremy.)

me: you going to get him?
jer: im so tired
me: i kept telling you to go to bed last night.
jer: just get up with him. you can take naps, i can't.
me: i know, but i've been up with them the past 2 mornings. plus i cleaned the entire house yesterday, and my body hurts from working out. and i took care of them while you were out of town for the day. plus you kept me up all night because you wouldn't go to bed!
jer: fine but i get to sleep in next week every single day. (he just gets to make up rules like this?!)
(i swear to you, verbatim)

thats how seriously, almost of our mornings go when he's in town. sometimes we stick to a system, of every other day the person gets up with the kids, but then that turns into a "who did more" war.

and then i wake up and i find dishes in the sink, crumbs as far as the eye can see, a pile of poopy diapers next to the front door, goldfish crackers smashed and embedded into my rug, sticky spots throughout the tile, dirty highchair trays, piles of blankets, every single toy of Conrad's slewed throughout the house...

and then i get on my hamster wheel and begin to clean it all up again, while messes are being made as i go. but i have to do it, in case someone stops by and thinks we're growing goldfish crackers like crystal meth spewing up from the carpet. because what else would explain all those crumbs?


  1. K no joke this was a conversation I had last night with Brenden. It went as follows:

    (1 am and Elle starts crying)
    B: are you going to go get her?
    Me: YOU go get her! This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about!
    B: I know but I have to work tomorrow Nikki.
    Me: (thinking in my mind) but YOU could totally call in if you wanted. I will never ever be able to call in to work and pretend I'm sick. Ever.

  2. hahah I love everything about this post. Hilarious. All too familiar. My favorite is the picture.

  3. Sounds pretty familiar to me as well..although yours is multiplied by two. How you manage to still look gorgeous and not like you're pulling your hair out as you describe puzzles me...because I clearly do half the time ;)