Wednesday, November 6, 2013


well. i mean, you know those days where you go to Disneyland and you can walk right on any ride? Or when someone sends you a really beautiful bouquet of red roses (is has to be red roses you fool) and you gasp and say FOR MUAH? or you have really really great steamy hot sex? like you know what im talking about? today was like that. except, lets not relate the sex part to my really good day because that would be super super really odd and gross, but i mean...who doesn't like a good old roll in the hay? can i get an amen? would you like ahnazah roll in da hay?

so okay. im done being creepy. i think.

but today! oh today!
it really was nothing special. i woke up in a sideways queen sized bed, laying next to my best friend who i call tokiko. we spent the night laughing, talking boy talk, me doing REALLY amazing yoga Skye! no. but tokiko? OH THE TOKIKO SHE HAS THE MOVES THE JAGGER! or could it be Jaguar? like the car? wonder if that song is about the car? how dumb would we all feel right now? when should i end my thought on this super important topic about a song that makes me want to smash mail boxes? is now a good time for you? let me know when you're ready to go on. 

so. you know. i woke up to a text from my mom at 5am. on the mother freaking dot. hey mom next time time you text me at 5 am, don't. and so it was, i couldn't fall back asleep (THANKS MOM AGAIN! next time text me at 4AM! its fun!) and decided to get up and take a really nice hot shower. tokiko had the most luxurious shampoos and yummy girly body wash and a luffa that was JUST the right luffa. i mean, usually you dont use other peoples luffas out of common sense and all, but we're best friends so? and can pee in front of each other so i mean, its all cool. this post is kind of going down hill fast isn't it? i wrapped myself in a warm blanket while she made us oatmeal and then i ran off to grab my kids at my parents who had them for the night. sometimes you just need a best friend sleep over, you know? the kind where you laugh super hard and prank call ex boyfriends. YOU'VE ALL DONE IT.

but what made today so perfect was just this. being a mom. insert eye roll. and drag your mouse over to the X in the right hand corner and go back to your facebook page. BUT seriously! i walked in my parents house and my darling Miss Scarlet ran into my arms, (holding a chocolate piece of cake. cool grandma points there) and gave me a big kiss on the lips. Conrad had heard i was there and ran inside the house, his cheeks all red from the cold crisp mountain air and gave me a big hard squeeze. heck! he even kissed me! on the lips! and didn't wipe it off! we're really getting somewhere.

 as we drove down the mountain home, the kids told me hilarious stories of how grandma and grandma got mad and said "UHHHGGG!!!" because grandma forgot to buy milk at costco. they talked and i listened, and i loved every dang second of it.  they asked where daddy was and i explained he was out of town far far away working. "but why isn't he coming home?" "because he has to make money for us honey!" Conrad asks about 156 kabaizaglaon (that's a real word, look it up) a day. "well why didn't he take the car? how did he get to work? an airplane?! why an airplane?! i said because hes about 1,700 miles away from us but he'll be back soon.

 You see, Conrad just adores his dad. I mean, he is the milk to his recess puffs cereal. Because scarlet cant quite keep up with him wanting to wrestle all day and he needs a man to chase him around and stir him up. Like boys do. I prefer to stay inside and play dolls, color, watch the real housewives and have a nice glass of scotch and water, hold the scotch. Listen here, I'm a girl okay? I grew up with brothers who beat me up all the dang time. I'll leave that to THOSE boys.

As we pulled onto our street Conrad begged to drive down to our house (it was like 4 houses down so everyone just calm down and don't call CPS just yet) (ahem) i promise he was 45% kind of safe. He loved it with everything in him. Must be a man thing.

The first thing we did was play cars. Bad guys and good guys of course. Scarlet found it quite necessary to strip down to her diapers to be iron man. i mean, whatever works sister. if ya got it flaunt it. I asked Scarlet, when will she potty train?! and every single time its the same answer, "in about 5 hours". Conrad dragged my hand all over the home trying to find the green bad guy car which i had NO clue what he was talking about and that's when i try to get all sorts of creative like HEY! you guys wanna go get some BB guns and shoot some stray cats?! gets em' every time. No, instead Conrad decided to play with our alarm system. I don't want to brag, but i actually do. That kid is smart! Like S M A R T. he knows the pass code, the exact buttons to push that mean we are locked in safe from bad guys and when we aren't. He could play on that thing all day long if i let him but i have this fear the police are going to show up and be like seriously dude? please stop setting and resetting your alarm 89 times a day its really exhausting.

By this time it was noon and I was so tired. (HEY MOM THANKS AGAIN FOR WAKING ME UP AT 5AM AGAIN!! THANK YOU!) so nap time it was! except, no. no they didn't want to. so while im off dozing in and out of sleep i see conrad and scarlet dashing down the halls, scarlet has pen all over her leg and conrad was crying because he had hurt his hand. I asked scarlet where did she find that pen? And she said what pen? and squatted down in the corner and said, "there is no pen? don't look at me!" she kills me dead.

after about an hour of getting these whack jobs to take naps i decided Conrad would sleep with me in my bed and scarlet in her room. Conrad and I slept side by side while i scratched his back, ran my fingers through his hair and that's when he stops acting like hes some tough 4 year old because my goodness. i had closed my eyes for a while and when i opened them back up he was staring right at me almost with the sweetest expression. i think he was happy to be having special time sleeping in Mommy's bed with me. he later drifted off to sleep and found himself curled up right next to me.

Later Scarlet woke up and it was decided it was dinner time! i made us a salad with chicken, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, croutons. we all sat together eating out of one big bowl at a time. after, we ate a little bit of ice cream and sat by the fire, lit some candles and i made up stories and they laid on their pillows by the crackling fire giggling and entranced by my really stupid silly stories. 

Later, warm baths in my garden tub. Bubbles mandatory. Out of any toy they could possibly play with they love my face spin brush by washing their faces, and the squeegee thing you use to wipe down your glass shower doors for water spots. kids are so confusing.

into warm pajamas they went. and i promised them i would take them on a drive after we were ready for bed. i took us to our church parking lot that's big and empty and let the kids take turns sitting on my lap "driving". We'd count down 3....2.....1....BLAST OFF!!!!! and I'd step on the gas and the kids reactions were like Christmas morning. Laughing and excited and MY TURN NEXT!! 

it was a simple normal, nothing overly eciting day. but its something i want to remember. you know, when they thrown tantrums in target, and everyone looks at you like they've never seen a kid throw a tantrum before? im like hey bro, you wanna take over? wanna share a secret with me how to not make my kid go wild when i wont buy him a 60 dollar batman toy. so you can suck it target shoppers. YOU HEAR ME?

any way. and average day of a housewife, but today was pretty damn good.

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